The art of busting through fear

Are you like a lot of struggling creatives? Supremely talented and smart, but won’t let others see what you do? You think what you make is crap, even when others say it’s amazing, or you don’t even start your work because you worry about what others will say, how your relationship might change, or because you think it all just sucks? Maybe you have even given up on your creative life because you think it’s “part of growing up”.

Doing creative work is not always easy. It requires as much dedication as (if not more than) other work, but it also requires showing parts of ourselves others don’t always see. We try to make meaning out of the world through our work, which means we have to put ourselves out there way more than others do. This is both a privilege and a hardship. We have this gift to create and emote, but we live in a society that says “Don’t show emotion - it’s weak!”, “Get a real job!”, and “Anyone who wants an alternative lifestyle is weird!”

So we have this privilege that many other people don’t have of being able to be totally authentic, but we wonder exactly how to do that because everyone else keeps telling us it’s bad. No wonder we can get paralyzed!

This all comes down to fear. Fear of being rejected, being abandoned, being vulnerable, being seen, or even fear of success.

There’s nothing wrong with being afraid.

It’s totally understandable! You’ve probably been through some stuff (aka trauma) in your life that was really scary and has caused you to be cautious, to worry how others might react, or to protect yourself from hurt.

But fear is keeping you from moving forward. Fear can really stunt creativity. Fear seeps into relationships and work and all other areas of life, preventing you from moving forward and experiencing joy and fulfillment.

So, here are 5 steps to help you move through fear:

1. Acknowledge it.

Monitor your thoughts. Is all that negative self-talk really fear of rejection? Have you not started your creative project because you have no time or because you’re afraid of changing your routine? Was that angry shout at your partner because you’re really pissed off or because you’re afraid of being left alone? If you discover there might be fear underneath the way you act, take a deep breath and say to yourself, “Ok, I’m afraid.”

2. Tell yourself, “Fear is normal.”

I hate those memes and quotes that say things like “Be fearless”. It’s bullshit! No one is fearless. Fear is not weakness, it’s human! We’re hardwired to experience fear when faced with uncertainty or with something that has hurt us before. Emotional injury is very powerful and invokes some of the same reactions in your body as physical injury. Fear of moving forward, of putting yourself out there in any way, is very common. It’s OK to be afraid. Let me say that again: It’s OK to be afraid! Say it 10 times a day and see how your perception of fear changes.

3. Talk about it.

There’s no greater catalyst for fear than isolation. Fear loves to make you hide away and keep you silent. Take the fear out into the light and show it to people you trust. Tell your best friend, “I really want to finish this project, but I’m scared what people will say.” Ask someone you admire, “What do you do when you can’t seem to move forward?” Tell your partner, “I’m really afraid that if I do this, everything will change.” You may be surprised at the answers you receive. Build your team from those who offer the most insight and support.

4. Move through it with courage.

I hate to tell you this, but fear is always going to be there. It can get WAY better and stop showing up all over the place, but you will never be fearless. Sometimes you just have to be brave and take the leap. I know, I know, easier said than done! If you’ve practiced the first three steps, your level of courage has likely gone up a tad. Take that first step, whatever it is. Buy those supplies, make that outline, sit down at the piano, send that email, write down what you want to say... Sure, you’re probably still nervous, but now you know what the fear is about, that it’s normal, and how the ones you really love and admire will support your courage to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.

5. Take care of yourself.

Be nice to yourself! It might go without saying, but when fear is freaking you the eff out, it’s easy to start hating on yourself. Give yourself permission to move slowly, to take breaks, to repeat any of the steps above if you need to. Talk with a friend. If you think trauma is holding you back, consider going to therapy. Your process is uniquely yours. Let it unfold with you.

Vulnerability and creativity

Researcher Brene Brown once said, “To create is to make something that has never existed before. There's nothing more vulnerable than that.” Vulnerability is a difficult concept for our society to grasp. Often, it is considered weak because it involves expressing emotions like sadness, confusion, loneliness, and hurt. It involves showing sensitivity. How difficult it is to be an artist and live in a world that consistently tells us to “stop being so sensitive”! Oh, the hot shame that comes with that statement. I can feel it in my own cheeks right now.

Artists have to embrace vulnerability more than others. We put our thoughts and ideas, our music, our movement, our voices, our words, out there for all to see and judge in order to fulfill our inner need to create and make meaning. We have to conquer fear on a much larger scale because we have to take the deep, dark parts of ourselves and put them on display.

It’s difficult to do.

I think it’s why we artists tend to be so harsh on ourselves. Often, thinking that what we make is crap. Sometimes when we finally finish something, we can be deathly afraid to put it out there. Because it means being vulnerable. It means opening ourselves up to criticism and judgment. It can be tortuous.

But vulnerability is good for you. I know, the word itself means, “susceptible to being wounded or hurt”, but bear with me here. First, we all know that from great pain comes great art, right? In that same vein, we know that love and joy is only truly appreciated when one has experienced hurt. And what is necessary for those powerful moments of happiness? Connection. And how do we connect? We bravely put ourselves out there. We risk hurt in order to heal.

So what does this all mean? It means that artists are some of the most courageous people in the world. Because we choose to create rather than conform. We conquer fear every time we say to someone, “Here, this is my art.” Whether you are stepping onto a stage in front of thousands of fans or showing a poem to a friend, you are being brave.

How have you been courageously vulnerable through creativity? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below or on my facebook page.

Speak up. End the stigma.

The world was shocked last week by the suicide of Robin Williams. The news sent half the world reeling, wondering how this hilarious, kind, warm man could have done such a thing. Later, we found out that on top of having struggled with addiction, anxiety, and depression, Mr. Williams also had Parkinson's disease. That was easier for us to understand than depression. At first, however, all we knew was that he suffered from mental illness. Many condolences and speculations were made, talk about depression and its awful effects began, while others called the act selfish and cowardly. Ah, there it is: the stigma. The message is that the depressed and anxious are weak. That suffering is something we don't have to feel and we can brush aside and control all by ourselves. That's the key to the message: do it by yourself.

Because here in the U.S. we give independence (particularly male independence) the highest value. We laud the solo entrepreneur, the guy who "pulled himself up by his bootstraps" and "made something of himself". People talk about "personal responsibility" and "welfare babies"; our lawmakers cut funding to public programs and unemployment. The message we receive from all this? "If you need help, it's your fault." Many of us have internalized this and think, "I cannot ask for help because it shows weakness." But that's bullshit. It's bullshit we tell ourselves out of fear. Because we don't want to think of ourselves in that sort of situation. "It hasn't happened to me and it won't happen to me because I am strong and responsible. I can handle this." And it's understandable that people are afraid of losing their jobs and not being able to find another, becoming disabled, not having control over the rate of their own reproductivity, or being so depressed or anxious that they can't bear to face another day.

Now really, when you live in a society that constantly sends the message that those who need others are weak, it is truly courageous to ask for help. Not to mention the fact that the idea of complete independence is totally bunk. We are interdependent. The solo entrepreneur wouldn't exist without other people, including customers, bank tellers, furniture makers, constructions workers, police, doctors, lawyers... the list goes on and on. No one is independent. Not one of us. So let's stop the stigma dead in it's tracks. It's ok to ask for help. We all need people and we're all here for each other.

Say it with me, "I am interdependent."

P.S. I linked to this video about depression above, but I wanted to make sure you see it. It's a brave account of the illness by a teen comic and a request to end the stigma and the silence. He makes so many important points, including that depression is an issue, not an identity, that everyone knows hurt, and that we have to embrace the light with the dark, "accepting ourselves for who we are, not who the world wants us to be."